9-09-07: The Adultery Paradox

We’ve been working through the Ten Commandments, today we land on number Seven: “You are not to commit adultery.” We’ve addressed the apparent negative tone of some of the Commandments but it’s worth noting that all of those deal with the idea of victimization. In each case, when God says “do not,” the behavior God’s forbidding involves hurting somebody outside of the self. Obviously, murder hurts somebody else. So does adultery, so does stealing or coveting. It’s pretty easy to see that adultery doesn’t do anybody any good except short-term gratification. The Bible directs us not to be involved in fornication in general but the impact of adultery is devastating. It destroys relationships or undermines the trust forever. Marriage vows have always stated or implied fidelity – adultery really hurts the victim, the other victims, and society. God was pretty adamant about this one, told Israel in Leviticus 20 that the adulterer was to be taken outside and stoned to death. We’re a lot more tolerant in our time but we need to balance our tolerance with clear limits. A second factor about adultery is the deception – it’s always covered with lies. The adulterers secretly communicate about times and locations, sneak around to make their rendezvous, pray that nobody will see them, sign into motels under false names or try to make excuses about the “missing” hours, weave a tale of lies about their activities and try to keep their lies straight. And let’s not overlook the self-deception. One or both of them tell themselves they “need” this fling this one time, their spouse or partner doesn’t satisfy them or doesn’t understand them. Pretty soon they’d have you believe that they’re the victim. And to compound the injury, lots of times the person the adulterer goes off with is not someone they’d want to be with for life. Not to be condemning here, some of us have been unfaithful, wait for the second half of the message. If all of the above rings true, why do we do it? Well, speaking as a man to men, I and we know that the sex drive can be just immense. As males, if we’re horny and “healthy enough for sexual activity” as the ads for Viagra say, it won’t take too long till we see something that looks good and if it looks really good we almost go nuts, we want it so bad. The same drive that allowed for this species to prosper can be curse, at times. We all know it, there are times that we as men can’t get it off our minds and we have to “get it out of our systems,” so to speak. Sometimes this drive is exciting, sometimes it’s like a prison sentence, we sometimes say “I just can’t break out of this.” Man, I feel like a prisoner of my feelings, my fantasies, my impulses and, to make it worse, it’s all tied up in my feelings about whether anybody can or does or ever will care for me. Well, I know that God knows that. Ideally, that’s what marriage was made for but it’s a tough one for gay guys because we’re locked out coming and going. Except not in the place of hitting on other guys’ partners. And not in the place, as Christian gay men, of cheating on our partners. God wants us to be accountable to Him, to ourselves and to our partners. God wants us to control our impulses, to speak the truth, to live honorable lives, to support each other and other folks in the community, men and women, coupled or single. Okay, that’s the law. Does it still apply to us? Yep, human nature hasn’t changed since David knocked up Bathsheba and killed her husband, Uriah the Hittite, to cover himself. But Jesus came along 1,300 years or so after Moses came off the mountain and looks at Israel’s spiritual plight and goes after the bigger problem, the greater violation. Jesus knew that the spiritual leaders of Israel were not fornicators and they were not adulterers. The were not and they were damned proud of it. They knew the law, they knew the penalty, they knew about David’s sin and his rebuke spoken by God through Nathan the prophet to David. They knew Psalm 51, David’s heart-wrenching confession of his sin and his remorse for his adultery and murder, they could probably, many of them, recite it by heart. So what did they do wrong? In their assurance of their own obedience to that law, those religious leaders convinced themselves that they were above reproach, that they were for sure better than the common folks, that they had special favor with God. And so, instead of leading the people to faith and reconciliation with God, they condemned them and demeaned them, made fun of them, condescendingly calling them names. If you read the gospels, you will see that Jesus found that offense to be fully equal to any violations of the Mosaic law, Jesus just despised what they did and said, found them to be self-important hypocrites whose egotism forced common men and women away from God and into despair. To them, Jesus said that anyone of you who has ever even looked and lusted has already committed adultery in his heart. Okay brothers and sisters, how about that? Have you looked and lusted? Ever? Well, I want to be right with God but I cop to this one, I’ve looked and lusted. Guilty as charged. According to Leviticus, I should be stoned to death. Everybody’s guilty. Nobody can make God’s standard. Nobody gets to look down on the “sinners” and exclude them from God’s love or safety. Jesus told the Pharisees and lawyers that they were just as much adulterers in God’s eyes as if they’d been caught in adultery personally. Is he condemning them? Yes! But not of adultery – he’s condemning them for separating God’s people from their God. And because all of us are adulterers, all of us are sinners, all of us have fallen short, all of us can come forward and, if we have a contrite heart, receive the certificate of adoption, the status of family that comes from being right with God because God made us right. Redeemed, bail paid, we’re out of jail, brought home and given a hot meal and listen, brother and sisters, when we go back before the judge for the sentencing hearing, the judge is gonna say that we’re ion the wrong place – there’s no charge against us. If it was ever here, it’s been erased, deleted. You are free to do. But as you go, remember the words of Jesus: “Go your way but don’t keep on sinning.”